What do I mean by that? Well, I was keeping my caloric intake at a very strict 300-400, but I see it steadily increasing DAILY!!! As I pinch the sides of my ribs and legs to prove to myself that I have no room for indulgence I think about all the mouth watering things to stuff my face with. It is a shameful thing to want the things you can't have, knowing that you can deny yourself but then you start giving yourself that ugly little word..."flexability". You think "well...maybe if I just exersice a little more today...or I can restrict a little more tomorrow". Its not supposed to work that way, I'm supposed to be able to turn away NO MATTER WHAT. Its a frustrating thing for me, I can't bring myself step on the scale sometimes, but I did today and I was so suprised. I'm actually the same weight, I know it takes the body a bit to catch up with all the changes, so we shall see come next week what the report it. I had my egg whites this morning with a little green tea, I have not been fighting the urge to snack on those little wheat crackers through the day, which I can beat myself up for all day long because I'm not even hungry...that makes it so much worse. I like the feeling of hunger...I really do, after a while you don't even feel it anymore. The first couple of days for me were so bad I felt like I could chew my own arm off. I am in a very bad way today, not feeling good about myself. Someone please give me some words of advice QUICK = )
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Siiiigh!
OK! So its seems like I didn't have enough will power to stay away from certain foods the past couple of days, but I am still on track with my weight loss. I have to pre portion my "meals" and make sure I stay within the food plan I have set out for myself. My boss is on vacation so I feel free to write whatever I want without the fear of her looking over my darn shoulder. I can't stand nosey people...MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. She has no life of her own, old crow... so she feels like she can live vicariously through someone else...NOT ME SISTER, keep it movin! I like the fact that I have this secret that I only know about and can share with those who I feel won't judge me for selfish reasons. Just because they don't have what it takes. I have enough strength in me to have some type of control. I am trying to get myself to a place where I don't have to even think about it. If I can't see the calories, its not going in = ).
Breakfast
2 hard boiled egg whites
1 glass of water (with my cinnamon capsules)
Lunch
Salad with egg white
10-15 grapes
1 glass of water
Dinner (if I have any)
Salad w/out egg white
Corn
Dessert (if I have any)
A few chips or a cookie
This is what I am trying to get away from, the dessert just defeats the whole purpose of what I am trying to achieve. So I am going to try my hardest to stay away from it, I have been able to before, its just hard is all. I try to drink water throughout the day to keep myself hydrated so I don't feel half dead. The cinnamon REALLY helps with my hunger pangs, I don't even feel them, and I still have energy. Plus it helps me metabolise the sugar in the food that I do eat instead of me feeling drained all the time = ). I LOVE CINNAMON!!! The only thing better than not eating is not feeling the ache of not eating. I just have to remember what one of my Ana sisters told me "NOTHING tastes as good as skinny feels" I have to keep that in mind at all times and never forget it. I can't wait to get to a point where I am so thin that I am at a size 0 or 00. I want to be able to shop anywhere and not even worry about how it would look on me = ). I have always had a "problem" with my weight growing up and I was just so darn sick of it. I see this as something that I can truly call my own and not share with anyone. Its not like, my money, time, or anything else that requires my to take time away from me. This is something that is just for me alone and nobody has to know. Its a goal that only I know when its going to be satisfied. Sorry for ramblin' but I'm passionate about this because its been a burning obsession for me for so long, I just never knew what to do about it until a few months ago. I love to cook for my family and watch them eat all the calories that I am NOT eating because I feel like I have more control. Its hard to explain, like they are so primitive and have no will to say NO I don't have to have that just because its there or because I'm hungry. This thing is almost like a competition with so many parts of myself and the stronger part of me is like "Comon...you can do it...you're stronger than they are" and I feel like giving myself a high 5 or something..which is really lame LOL but at the same time I love to give myself encouragement. I'll keep you posted friends!
Breakfast
2 hard boiled egg whites
1 glass of water (with my cinnamon capsules)
Lunch
Salad with egg white
10-15 grapes
1 glass of water
Dinner (if I have any)
Salad w/out egg white
Corn
Dessert (if I have any)
A few chips or a cookie
This is what I am trying to get away from, the dessert just defeats the whole purpose of what I am trying to achieve. So I am going to try my hardest to stay away from it, I have been able to before, its just hard is all. I try to drink water throughout the day to keep myself hydrated so I don't feel half dead. The cinnamon REALLY helps with my hunger pangs, I don't even feel them, and I still have energy. Plus it helps me metabolise the sugar in the food that I do eat instead of me feeling drained all the time = ). I LOVE CINNAMON!!! The only thing better than not eating is not feeling the ache of not eating. I just have to remember what one of my Ana sisters told me "NOTHING tastes as good as skinny feels" I have to keep that in mind at all times and never forget it. I can't wait to get to a point where I am so thin that I am at a size 0 or 00. I want to be able to shop anywhere and not even worry about how it would look on me = ). I have always had a "problem" with my weight growing up and I was just so darn sick of it. I see this as something that I can truly call my own and not share with anyone. Its not like, my money, time, or anything else that requires my to take time away from me. This is something that is just for me alone and nobody has to know. Its a goal that only I know when its going to be satisfied. Sorry for ramblin' but I'm passionate about this because its been a burning obsession for me for so long, I just never knew what to do about it until a few months ago. I love to cook for my family and watch them eat all the calories that I am NOT eating because I feel like I have more control. Its hard to explain, like they are so primitive and have no will to say NO I don't have to have that just because its there or because I'm hungry. This thing is almost like a competition with so many parts of myself and the stronger part of me is like "Comon...you can do it...you're stronger than they are" and I feel like giving myself a high 5 or something..which is really lame LOL but at the same time I love to give myself encouragement. I'll keep you posted friends!
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