YES!

Since my weight loss is coming along, I have been getting motivation from EVERYWHERE!!! My boss just asked me today if I was losing weight...that made me feel so wonderful, I didn't think that it was noticable but IT IS = ). I am so excited, I made a few booboos and ate a few things that I should not have, but now that I know that it is REALLY working, I am going full blast = )

Accomplishment!

I did it, I was able to go the whole day (and night) w/out a single morsel of food...so happy! I have lost 8 pounds so far. I know that it is mostly water weight but anything that reduces my numbers and size is good enough for me = ). I will keep you posted

Success!!!

I think today I am a little stronger. I took some advice from someone that I am chatting with and I am only eating my pre-portioned meal. I have been drinking water all day long and I have not had the urge to step outside of what I know I am allowed. Hopefully once I get home I will be able to keep the strength up and resist the urge to eat more than what I set aside for myself. I might even try to not eat what I set aside to see if I can do it. Then I will have no excuse from now on, because I will know what I am capable of. I think that I have found out what works for me as far as being able to function during the day until I can work up to not eating at all. I know that I am fine in the morning when I am work w/out anything to eat unitl lunch time and then I feel like I have to get something in. I have been able to push it until I get home at 5...and usually I don't have anything portioned out, which is a big mistake. Reason being, when I finally do eat something, then I get the urge to eat way more than I planned, then I feel like crap for the rest of the day = (. I will keep everyone updated.

-F

I totally failed at what I was trying to do today. I went home for lunch and had 2 tablespoons of corn and 2 egg whites. Not bad eh??? Well my whole point was to eat nothing for today...I wasn't even feeling hunger pangs and yet I still ate like a fatty. I'll do a Billy Blanks DVD tonight to make up for it!!!

Moment(s) of weakness!

I was doing soooo good yesterday, and then I allowed the smell of the fresh biscuits to get to me...and of course that lead to me having a side of rice and fish to go with it. I'm am so mad at myself, I am punishing myself today by eating nothing all day except for the glass of milk I had this morning. I feel sometimes like I have the will power of Gandhi and then other times I feel like I have none at all. I tried so hard to stay out of the kitchen yesterday and I was doing pretty good until I went down finally to do some laundry which just happens to be in the worst possible place. I had one meal that day, a salad with egg white, which made me feel a little normal, rather than an empty zombie. I have to work up to feeling normal with the completely empty feeling.
I can see myself getting thinner in my face, I can tell that Ana is helping me. My will power is getting a lot better though! At work people bring in all sorts of indulgences and I am not even interested....which is a really good sign. My husband does not suspect a thing, as far as he knows, I still eat all my meals. I told him that I was going on a diet, so he'll expect some weight loss, hopefully I can explain most of it away when I get to where I really want to be. I refuse to step on the scale until I notice a significant difference in the way my clothes fit; although I'm dying to know how much I lost.

New Wife Syndrome

I know that this is probably something that every woman has felt in her life early in her marriage. I feel like I don't have much control over my life and the decisions I make anymore. I almost feel like I'm a robot programmed to do and say anything on command. In no way am I suggesting that my husband controls me, but I feel like I don't have an opinion or can have an opposing opinion, so I end up just agreeing. The thin veneer that is left of a confident, independent woman wants to stands on firm ground and voices my argument but on another end, I just don't want to get into it. I had a fight with him about my working on Saturdays, he said that it takes away from "family time". To be honest, I would almost take that into consideration, if we did anything on Saturdays...all we do is sit around the house, then he decides to leave and do something when he feels like it. If I want to go somewhere or do anything, he is either coming with me, or I get grilled on where I am going. I do so much around the house without even a thank you or a finger to help. I hope this is not a taste of a few years down the road with an extra helping of grief. I have asked him to help around the house but I think he is one of those wonderful breeds of men who conveniently forget until all the work is done.
I have started a new diet, since I need to drop a few pounds, it is more of a control thing for me then anything since I have it nowhere else in my life.

Not really the beginning but sort of in the middle of the beginning??!

I have never written a blog before, but it sounded like a good way to express myself without the risk of having my privacy invaded. At this moment I am at work at a dental office listening to some "easy listening" radio station. Its the same rotation of songs everyday which does not make it very easy to listen to...irony? I'm not sure what to really put on here except for how I am really feeling right now. I guess I would say that I feel content with the way things are right now. I have been married to my husband now for a little over 2 months. I love him very much and we have 2 twin girls, the are not biologically my children but I know that God sent them to me for a reason. I don't think that I am able to have children of my own due to PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome), it prevents ovulation. I refuse to go on drugs because if the good Lord wanted me to conceive naturally, it would have happened already. I'm sure that is the reason why he put my husband in my path, that and several other reasons which I don't really have time to get into right now. I married my husband 6 months after we met which made me a pariah in my family for a little while, but they warmed up after everyone saw how serious I was. However, NOW...none of my family members aside from my dad actually calls me. It is very strange that when I was single and really not looking to settle down, nobody could stop talking to me and judging how I am wasting my life "guy hoping" my mother called it. I guess I could go into more details another time. Thanks for reading!